why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
