You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
