Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
