while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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