its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it hurts more in the daytime
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize