Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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