By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
