walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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