apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
