Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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