Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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