i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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