What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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