I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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