Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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