so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
