I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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