Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
