Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
