I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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