Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
