I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
