so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
