I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
