I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
