It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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