Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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