if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
