Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
