Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
