"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
