Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
