guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
