u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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