Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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