if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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