He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
