She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
