Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the day after is always just damage control
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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