So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
