oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
