The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
