My sheets look like a crime scene.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
