Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
