Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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