There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
