On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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