the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She told me I should be a condom model.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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