upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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