you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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