I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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