official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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