I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have aggressive nipples.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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