I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
