I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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