Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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