I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
now i know why i became what i already was.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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