i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize