Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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