I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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