Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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