If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
