btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
