I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
