one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
