The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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