You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
