in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
