I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
