Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
