I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
