I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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