Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
