Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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