I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
