to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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