it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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