I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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