My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
