I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
