Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
