Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
