I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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