I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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